Trouble Is A State Of Mind

The library closes in 15 minutes, and I have only written 600 words

2009-12-09T03:36:50Z

My name is Laurent Clerc. I am eighty-three years old. My hair is white, my skin wrinkled and scarred, my posture crooked; I shuffle when I walk. Undoubtedly my life will soon end in this time and place: 1896, Hartford, Connecticut. I spend most of my day sitting alone at my dining room window, looking at my orchard and remembering. I also read the paper and occasionally friends come to visit. I know what's going on. Important people, distinguished gentlemen, are repudiating the cause to which I have devoted my life. Endowed with the sacred trust of my people's welfare, they seek, without consulting us, to prevent our worship, marriage, and procreation, to stultify our education, and to banish our mother tongue simply because our way and our language are different from theirs....

- Lane, Harlan, When the Mind Hears: A History of the Deaf, pg 3.

I have issues with Lane. He outright states in his introduction that he made stuff up when he couldn't find out what happened, and I feel he wrote well-researched historical fiction rather than an actual history book.

But still. Lane didn't write the first book about deafness from the POV of actual deaf people (Lane is Hearing - he cites Jack R Gannon's book as the first history written by someone who was Deaf), but he wrote the one that launched a thousand ships, so to speak. He challenged, quite viciously, the idea that deafness was something to be "conquered", and argued that a deaf-focused history was necessary.

Just as hearing people assumed, and taught the deaf, that the deaf community had no language of its own but at best a manual variant of spoken language, so they assumed, and taught the deaf, that they had no history in their own right but only at best a chapter in a hearing history (generally entitled "Educating the Deaf").

A couple of very interesting things happened in the 80s. Lane's book was published in 1984, 24 years after Stokoe successfully argued that Sign was an actual Language. In 1986, Children of a Lesser God was released, and Marlee Matlin became the youngest recipient of the Best Actress Award for her portrayal of a Deaf woman and her Hearing lover. In 1988, the students at Gallaudet University staged their Deaf President Now! protests, demanding an actual Deaf person be president of the university for the first time in its history. The four-day protests brought more attention to the issues of Deafness and Deaf Culture, beyond "cochlear implants".

I don't think it's a coincidence that the paperback of Lane's book was published in 1989.

Lane's book seems to come from a place of anger, and I think that's a good thing. His anger allows him to speak quite passionately and clearly about why he finds this erasure of deaf history and culture to be a bad thing. His position as a Hearing psychologist and linguist allows him to look "unbiased", the way men are seen as unbiased about women's rights, and white folks are supposedly dispassionate arbitrators of what is "really" racist. He is given the space, with his professional credentials and respected history, to talk about Deafness in a way that Hearing people will respect.

I have a time line of books I'm looking at for this part of my historiography paper. I think it's clear that Lane opened the door, and a lot of people have gone through, further refining the analysis of Deafness and Deaf history.

This is the sort of thing that historiography is about. Looking at how certain works have had a profound influence, and how they are different from what went on before. Lane basically tells everyone that this conquering rhetoric needs to end. Everyone since him has been writing as though that's now a generally accepted fact, and the questions need to be answered through that lens.

Now, if only I could write that in academic-speak, in about 2000 words.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/543467.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Timeline

2009-12-09T00:53:48Z

1960 - Stokoe publishes Sign Language Structure: An Outline of the Visiual Communication System of the American Deaf [PDF], which basically says "Yo, Sign Language is a Language, okay?"

1981 - UN Year of the Disabled Person

1984 - Harlan Lane, "When the Mind Hears"

1986 - Children of a Lesser God comes out, and Marlee Matlin gets her Best Actress Oscar

1988 - Deaf President Now! campaign

1988 - article, "Coming of Age of American Sign Language"

1989 - Lane's book is re-issued in paperback

1989 - Oliver Stacks, "Seeing Voices"

1989 - Jerome D. Schen, "At Home Among Strangers"

1996 - Douglas Baynton, "Forbidden Signs"

1996 - Clifton F Carbin, "Deaf Heritage in Canada"

2002 - Susan Burch, "Signs of Resistance"

2002 - Branson & Miller, "Damned for their Difference: The Cultural Construction of Deaf People as Disabled"

2006 - John Tabak, "Significant Gestures"

2006 - Susan Burch & Brenda Jo Brueggemann, "Women & Deafness: Double Visitons"

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/543108.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

troubleinchina @ 2009-12-08T09:28:00

2009-12-08T13:29:45Z

marjory gave me a virtual snowflake cookie! Thank you! :)

It makes up for the fact that I not only showed up 24 hours early for my stupid early morning meeting, I haven't been able to move from this spot since because I'm too tired to go home and sleep.

PS: How long has LJ not been doing comment notifications?

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/542901.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Charity Auction

2009-12-08T05:19:54Z

Via cleolinda, megmatthews20 needs eye surgery related to Marfan Syndrome, can you help? hope_in_sight is running a general/fandom auction to raise the $1500.

This is tugging at my heart strings because, of course, Don has Marfan's Syndrome. It strikes me as legit if for no other reason that who comes up with "I have eye problems related to Marfan's" just on their own? It's not exactly the most common of genetic conditions.

[Don doesn't have those eye problems, for which I am very grateful, as I think only one of us needs horrible vision at any one time.]

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/542631.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

I am a good procrastinator, if nothing else

2009-12-07T21:29:57Z

I think the incredible lag I'm experiencing trying to post this is a message from the thesis deities: Stop procrastinating!

One of the aspects of writing a history thesis is the historiography part of your work. Basically, you write something that indicates not only the scholarship that has gone on before, but where your work will fit in with that scholarship.

Dr T described it to me as going to a party. Before barreling into a conversation, you listen to the people who are part of it and try and get a sense of what people are saying/thinking before you say anything.

I don't think this is the best analogy for the internet age. (Also, too many people do exactly that, at parties, on the bus, and in classes.) I think a better analogy would be lurking around a popular blog for a while before commenting, and then trying to make your first comment be something useful, interesting, and on topic. Basically, historiography is so you don't get admonished to LURK MOAR.

The problem with the stuff I'm doing is the historiography is a bit... problematic. I'll put aside the issues of most disability history being related to how medical professionals and administrative folks viewed people with disabilities, since that's really a main point of what we're writing. However, what I do need to do is talk about the sorts of histories that institutions for people with disabilities would put out for themselves, with very specific goals in mind.

I'm currently looking at Journey to Independence, subtitled Blindness ~ The Canadian Story. (Yes, with the tilde in there. I have no idea why.) It's put out for the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. It can easily be summed up as “CNIB! It is so awesome! Let me tell you all the awesome things that were done because of them! Before the CNIB, things were bad, but now they are Awesome! Look!!!” Which, you know, it's a coffee table book put out by the CNIB. Of course that's what it's going to say. But I have to at least talk a bit about it. (The book isn't bad if all you want is a shallow skim of the history of blindness in Canada that doesn't go into any of the reasons many blind people reject the CNIB. It has a lot of stuff about Halifax, actually.)

The other book I'm looking at right now is called Reading Hands: The Halifax School for the Blind. This book starts with the best opening sentence ever: “The history of the blind was long one of sadness.” Then Christianity comes along and “It was quite natural therefore that the afflicted mortals congregated about the doors of the churches, where they could expect not only kindly treatment and understanding, but also often relief from physical pain and hunger.”

It pains me so.

There's a word to describe these sorts of histories: meliorist. Things Were Bad! Then! Something Awesome Happened! Then! Things Were Better! I think this is how history tends to be taught, because it's very Feel Good. It's also very plodding and doesn't reflect the nuances of history. Was the CNIB a good thing? I don't know, but I do know a lot of blind people in Canada hate it. (I need to do more research to understand why.) Was the Halifax School for the Blind made of awesome? I don't know, but I do know they did a lot of things in an attempt to be “good” and seem to have been founded by actual blind people. (A step above the folks who ultimately founded the School for the Deaf, for what that's worth. I'm really excited to learn more of the history of the school.)

Of course, writing something that's basically “everything this group did is BAD BAD BAD” isn't good history, either. I mean, it has a purpose, don't get me wrong. But viewing all people who advocated for Oralism in the early 20th Century as bad ignores the nuances of their arguments, and also assumes everyone was doing it for the same reason. (Baynton, IIRC, argues that gender played a huge role in this – women who were teaching in the Deaf schools often advocated for Oralism because they thought it was very important to “have a voice in public”. I don't think they did the right thing, and I think it had long-term horrible consequences for Deaf people, but it's not as simple as “they were bad, and they should feel bad.” This isn't to excuse abuse, neglect, eugenics, hatred, everything that was part of it all. I don't think the intentions excuse anything. But they're also important to know. Nuances.)

Anyway. This valiant attempt to write something about disability history rather than writing my historiography essay has probably gone on long enough.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/542056.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

December 6th, 1989

2009-12-06T09:37:51Z

Today we remember our dead, killed for being women and daring to attend Engineering School, and I recite these names, like a rosary, every year.

Geneviève Bergeron
Hélène Colgan
Nathalie Croteau
Barbara Daigneault
Anne-Marie Edward
Maud Haviernick
Maryse Laganière
Maryse Leclair
Anne-Marie Lemay
Sonia Pelletier
Michèle Richard
Annie St-Arneault
Annie Turcotte
Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz

It is my intention to attend tonight's not-so-silent vigil, at least the part at Spring Garden Library.

First, we will remember Tanya Brooks, a women lost in our own community.
Memorial Vigil for Tanya Brooks at 4:30 pm
St. Patrick's-Alexandra School, 2277 Maitland Street, Halifax
There will be drumming and singing in her honor.
Tanya's mother, will be reading a poem for her.

Followed by the "Not so Silent” December 6th Vigil at the Spring Garden Library where we will be outside for about 20 minutes. With live art, singing, moment of screaming and moment of silence. @ the Halifax Regional Library, 5381 Spring Garden Road at 5:30

Finally we will move to St. Matthew’s United Church Hall, 1479 Barrington Street, for a Community Event and Pot Luck. Bring a dish to share, if you like (food, coffee, hot chocolate and juice will be provided) 6:00 – 8:00 pm

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/541855.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Well, that explains a lot

2009-12-06T05:08:06Z

(I am six days away from being done everything I need done this semester, and I can't tell you how much that pleases me. I miss people!)

So, Don & I started watching some random Xena episodes we found on the internet and oh. Now I understand some of the comments about Xena being very appropriative. They actually went to India, and did weird things with Karma, and wow. Wow. I had no recollection of that at all. Just... wow. Wow. It's not even subtle. I just kept staring at it with my jaw dropped.

Ah well. Sleep time now.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/541654.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Witty Title

2009-12-04T15:27:51Z

The post I did that awful transcript for is up at Bitch Magazine:

We're Not Looking For Pity: The Trouble With Poster Children, which is really just an excuse to point you to a lo of great posts by other people who have written on the topic.

But, an excerpt:

I am just so proud that the Academy Awards gave the man who said "if you don’t want to be pitied for being a cripple in a wheelchair, don’t come out of the house" a humanitarian award for being so good and giving to those wretched disabled children! I do hope that everyone gives money to a man who said "You might as well put a gun in your mouth" after you find out you have amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (that's ALS- Lou Gehrig's Disease). And heaven knows that money goes to really important stuff - like a CURE! - because things like wheelchairs and accessible transportation and helping families get their homes renovated to be fully accessible would be a total waste of that money, right? Why help people with disabilities now when in the future, they may have a CURE!

Okay, I'll cut the sarcastic tone for a bit. I think I've made my point of view clear.

Telethons and donation drives raise a lot of money, and the best way they do that is by showing the general public an image that will invoke either pity or outrage. Pity is often easier, so over and over, in an effort to raise funds to "help" people with disabilities, the worst, saddest, most pathetic images one can come up with are shown. In the end, this "help" leads to the final image in people's heads: having a disability is horrible, pathetic, and sad, and we should all feel nothing but pity for people trapped in the prison of their own body.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/541399.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Transcript Dump: I Am Autism

2009-12-03T21:39:07Z

[Background music is ominous, including the sound of a child wailing or crying. The voice over is aggressive and male. Images are of a variety of children, mostly male, alone in the park, on the beach, on a bike, in a playground, etc.]
Voiceover: I am autism. I am visible in your children, but if I can help it, I am invisible to you until it's too late. I know where you live, and guess what? I live there to. I hover around all of you. I know no colour barrier, no religion, no morality, no currency. I speak your language fluently.and with every voice I take away, I acquire yet another language.

I work very quickly. I work faster than pediatric AIDs, Cancer and Diabetes combined.

And if you are happily married, I will make sure your marriage fails. Your money will fall into my hands and I will bankrupt you for my own self-gain.

I don't sleep, so I make sure you don't either.

I will make it virtually impossible for your family to easily attend a temple, a birthday party, a public park, without a struggle, without embarrassment, without pain.

You have no cure for me. Your scientists don't have the resources, and I relish their desperation. Your neighbours are happier to pretend that I don't exist, of course, until it's their child.

I am autism. I have no interest in right or wrong. I derive great pleasure out of your loneliness. I will fight to take away your hope. I will plot to rob you of your children and your dreams. I will make sure that every day you wake up, you will cry, wondering, "who will take care of my child after I die?"

And the truth is, I am still winning, and you are scared. And you should be.

I am autism. You ignored me. That was a mistake.

[Background music changes to one more hopeful, and instead of crying, there's the sound of children laughing. Images change so that family and/or friends walk into every frame, with lots of love and affection. The tone turns from despair to hope. Instead of one voice, it is many, male and female, almost all adults. All accents sound American.]

And to autism I say: I am a father, a mother, a grandparent, a brother, a sister. We will spend every waking hour trying to weaken you.

We don't need sleep because we will not rest until you do.

Family can be much stronger than autism ever anticipated and we will not be intimated by you, nor will the love and strength of my community.

I am a parent riding towards you, and you can push me off this horse time and time again but I will get up, climb back on and ride on with the message.

Autism, you forget who we are. You forget who you are dealing with. You forget the spirit of mothers and daughters and fathers and sons.

We are Kattar, United Kingdom, United States, Argentina, Russia, the Europe Union. We are United Nations.

We are coming together in all climates. We call on all faiths. We search with technology, and voodoo, prayer and herbs, genetic studies and a growing awareness you never anticipated.

We have had challenges, but we are the best when overcoming them.

We speak the only language that matters. Love for our children. Our capacity to love is greater than your capacity to overwhelm.

Autism is naive. You are alone. We are a community of warriors.

We have a voice.

You think because some of our children cannot speak, we cannot hear them? That is Autism's weakness.

You think that because my child lives behind a wall I am afraid to knock it down with my bare hands?

You have not properly been introduced to this community of parents and grandparents, of siblings and friends, of school teachers, therapists, pediatricians and scientists.

Autism, if you are not scared, you should be.

When you came for my child you forgot, you came for me.

Autism. Are you listening?

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/540974.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

This is my tired face

2009-12-03T15:18:31Z

The phone rang 7 minutes ago. It was the dentist.

"Is Don on his way here?"

"Why?"

"He has an appointment at 11:10, it's very long appointment. We called and asked you to confirm it but no one called back. Is he on his way here?"

I do not doubt that they called and asked us to confirm it. It's just, our voice mail message on the landline phone is rather specific: call the cell about anything medical. I'm so rarely home to check messages.

I would think that the fact we didn't call to confirm would indicate we either didn't know about the appointment or weren't coming, but I guess I am foolish that way.

I feel bad for irritating the folks at the dental office, but at the same time, we didn't say we would be there.

Don is currently rushing his way there right now, though - they charge for missed appointments.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/540760.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Halfway

2009-12-02T22:20:41Z

I think I must be looking particularly delicate these days because twice in the last week my thesis adviser, Dr T, has made a point of telling me she likes me just the way I am, although in different wording than that. (Of course, I sent her a rather desperate email last Friday, so it may be that. The other possibility is she read my post on FWD/Forward about mental health conditions and... yeah. Who knows. I'm leaning on the "looking particularly delicate".)

Plagiarism Thingy Update

I took a lot of people's advice and contacted someone higher up in the department (not Dr T, she's very busy) and asked his advice. His advice was pretty similar to a lot of other people's advice, which was contact the thesis writer and find out what they have to say. I have decided the earliest I am going to do this is January, because it's been 6 years since the book went into print, and probably longer than that since it was actually "written", and it will probably wait another month.

Thank you for advice, though. It was helpful to set me off in the right directions, because my previous thought was to run around going OH NO!!!! a lot.

Don Health Update

It seems to me that the change in medication is very helpful. He says so, too. "I still have a lot of the symptoms, but I do seem to have more energy," says Don. This is good!

Still can't talk above a whisper. I am beginning to lose hope this is going to change. We haven't had time/energy to actually get any SL training done, sadly, but hopefully the change in energy and subsequent actual recovery from surgery will help Don in this. (Not that I think just one of us learning SL will be good here.)

Me Update

One more committee meeting this semester. I think. Maybe. There's an email I haven't looked at yet because I want to believe I have one more committee meeting left this semester. Am done Dr T's course, except for the 5000 word essay. I'm kinda sad about that - I was enjoying the course, even though it's the class I've been the most silent in, ever, in my life. But I think I got a lot of out of it. If nothing else, I've thought a lot about how to write an effective paper, and how to talk about papers more effectively. I'm not sure if this was the goal of the course. I do think it was a mistake to take the PhD/Masters course rather than doing the Undergraduate/Masters course, but maybe it was time for me to get really out of my confortable state, and that course was really out of my comfort zone.

I have a French test on Friday and Monday, and the 5000 word paper is due December 11, and then I am free, except for the thesis stuff I want to have completed over Christmas break. (I get to go to the archives! I love the archives!)

I am determined to spend the evening thinking as little as possible, and thus am going to Katie & Emmy's to watch Castle. And Xena. Yay Xena!

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/540623.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

And thus!

2009-11-28T16:48:46Z

So!

Don's energy levels have been dwindling to "scary enough that I've been asking people about the possibility of his dying from them" (low, but not non-existent). He was sleeping most of the day, and didn't have the energy to get to the kitchen, put something in the microwave, wait 3 minutes, then go back to bed. Things were very bad.

But!

The appointment with the radiologist was on Friday! (More on this later, possibly in interpretive dance) And the radiologist went "Wait a moment, Doctor Fail put you on what? At that dosage?"

Turns out Don (who, I may remind you, is 6'10"/2.09m tall) was taking less than half the recommended dose of thyroid medicine for someone of "average" (read: my) size.

No wonder his energy levels had dwindled to "none".

As of Friday afternoon, he's moved from a 25mg/day dosage of one drug to a 125mg/day dosage of another one that also has a better uptake.

Yayes!!!

The interpretive dance bit will be fun. Promise.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/540025.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

It's a secret message: see if you can find it

2009-11-26T21:35:50Z

This is a Deaf show choir/Dance troupe

The Gallaudet Dance Company is a performing group of approximately 15 dancers. All members of the company are undergraduate or graduate students at Gallaudet University, the world's only accredited liberal arts university for deaf and hard of hearing students. Each dancer's background is different-both in terms of hearing loss, preferred communication mode, secondary school education, and current major field of study as a University student. But all the dancers are excellent communicators. They rely on their vision as their primary mode of communication and communicate through their dancing in a range of styles, including dance that uses American Sign Language as its foundation. Gallaudet University itself is a bilingual community where students, faculty, and staff communicate with each other in both American Sign Language and English. The Gallaudet Dance Company will celebrate its 55th Anniversary "Fabulous and Fifty-Five," March 26 and March 27, 2010.

Here is ASL poetry.

Yes, these things both exist.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/539654.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Yay!

2009-11-26T07:08:05Z

I've been doing that Guaranteed Sleep Screw Up Thing of coming home from school completely exhausted beyond my ability to cope, and thus napping. Sometimes until 11 p.m. I do not recommend this.

So, I got up today, ate something, looked at my schedule for the morning, and thought I would try and go back to sleep because I had to get up early for Senate Review Committee meetings.

That didn't work, so I got out of bed at 2:30 and figured since I was up anyway I'd check where the meeting was and get the times sorted out and at least know if they were going to feed me or if I had to have breakfast.

I'm glad I did that, because the meeting for tomorrow is canceled, and was canceled two weeks ago. If I read my emails for content instead of just skimming over them, I would know that.

I'm very glad that it's canceled. I think I'll try and sleep in tomorrow, because now I have "nothing" to do (by which I mean essays and stuff).

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/539628.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

troubleinchina @ 2009-11-25T14:28:00

2009-11-25T18:30:17Z

Dear Academic Paper I Am Reading:

Whoever wrote you is not a good enough writer to get away with sentences that are 5 to 7 lines long.

No love,
me

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/539150.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Writing Things

2009-11-25T16:08:10Z

I wrote stuff:

Four Ways to do it right, wherein I reveal my secret love for really truly awful movies.

After a few times of being asked what made disability in pop culture look "right" to me, I made a short list. This list isn't about acting (two of the actors in the shows I praise are currently non-disabled), but on writing and presentation.

ETA: Oh, head's up: We're still doing site tweaks on FWD/Forward because of the new release of IE (or something), so the site is still looking "off". Our two web devs are in California and Australia, so it takes a bit of time to get it all sorted.

Look at this awesome guest post! Hanging Up the Cane

The first time I held my cane, I cried.

It wasn’t a feeling I expected, to be honest. I’d been fired the week before from a job I enjoyed, for telling my employer I was in too much pain to stand for the entire shift, but things were coming out on my side. I had all my friends and family supporting me, and I’d found enough self-esteem to file a complaint with the provincial Human Rights Commission, alleging discrimination on the basis of disability. It was time, in my mind, to give up beating around the bush.

Ouyang Dan wrote No, actually "Eat a Sandwich" is not "Feminist Activism", which I will sum up as "real women have bodies and take up space so deal with it", but that's really too flippant for a discussion about how shaming women who are slender, or who may have eating disorders, by yelling "eat a sandwich" isn't a good thing.

Back to my reading nook.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/538955.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

pats poor wee brain on head

2009-11-25T03:03:08Z

I suppose if I'm going to have Doctor Who-inspired dreams, they could be far worse than "having a party in a mobious-strip house that moves through time". Also, my brain apparently ships imaginary-sarahtales and imaginary-jonquil. Who both look like real-life lizbee. And if I'm going to dream about people from Edmonton, it's nice that it's people that I barely remember (and thus have no bad associations in my head with) and who blow up like balloons when the Doctor convinced their abused girl friend to get help.

I bet going to a party with the Doctor wearing fuzzy purple-striped socks would be pretty awesome.

The landlords were supposed to come by today because they were doing a fire test. The flat looks like a harried grad student and someone with a disability who can't clean live here. (Well, it did. Now it looks like perfectly nice people who are just a bit behind on the dishes live here.) Of course, the landlords didn't show up, but it's nice having a clean(er) flat.

And my very kind thesis adviser gave me a week-long extension on my historiography paper of evil, and we talked a lot about it so I feel more confident about what direction that has to go in.

Oh, and I'm deleting my Facebook account on November 30th. I know, if some employer or insurance company wants to prove I'm evil, there's a really strong Google-trail for me, but I'm not going to make it easier for them by having a Facebook.

The point being my brain is being a tad odd at the moment, and life is being strange, but not in a bad way.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/538507.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Curse you!

2009-11-24T00:00:53Z

Guess what I just found just lying around at the Killam Library here at Dal?

A bunch more records from the NS School for the Deaf & Dumb.

Which, on the one hand, is great, because my current thesis intends to expand on what I wrote last year.

On the other hand: Curses! I could have used that last year!

Ah well. Looks like fascinating stuff by Principal 1, who was the person who did not try to light anyone on fire, did not shoot at any students, and was not publically accused of having an affair. So he's kinda dull.

(I get to do more research on Principal 2 this time!)

Anyway, back to trying to make an essay happen.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/538166.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Y HALO THAR

2009-11-23T04:56:57Z

Oh, horribly crippling self-doubt and depression that leads one to horrible thoughts! It's been months since we last spoke. Thanks so much for stopping by.

I'm trying to decide if just going to bed and starting again tomorrow is a good thing, or if it's just another awesome procrastination technique. But I should have 2000 - 3000 words of this 5000 - 8000 word essay done by Tuesday, and I have written 190 of them.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/538011.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

all work and no play makes Anna a dull person

2009-11-21T23:24:50Z

Most important stuff first: When did LJ start including ads that make noise?

Life is as it is. Don's energy levels are basically non-existent, and the current speculation is that his thyroid levels are too low. Blood test for that is on Monday, and he visits the Radiologist next week as well. Big thing about visiting the Radiologist is he'll probably be told there's no need for further treatment for OMG!Cancer so he can go on the much cheaper thyroid drugs, which are (I think) easier to adjust the doses for. (He's on the expensive stuff because it comes out of your system really fast, and if he does need radiation therapy, they want him off all thyroid meds first.)

I have a very long historiography essay due in 2 weeks and I'm horrified at this. Historiography is where I fall down all the time. I need to sort it out. Obviously this means I'm update my journal and trying to get through my email instead of doing actual work. I'm even back into checking up on twitter. *sigh*

Urgle, all I want to do is upload new icons to DW. Life isn't so much boring (it's too busy to be boring) as frightfully dull.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/537837.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

Life conspires against me

2009-11-20T19:44:30Z

John McCain is a block from my apartment right now.

Yes, that John McCain. Former Presidential Candidate John McCain is a block away from here at some sort of Security Summit.

My street is packed with people, there's a noisy protest starting up at the park, there are police everywhere, traffic is backed up and I can hear sirens and see the flashing lights even here, on the 6th floor.

Damn it, tonight's plans were to sit in the dark alone with a blanket over my head eating chocolate pudding and feeling sorry for myself, and John frickin' McCain is on my street.

If I wasn't fairly convinced it would get me hurt, I'd see if I could pie the guy in the face. [Note to police: That is a joke. I'd have to make a pie, and I am not wasting a perfectly good pie on John frickin' McCain.]

I'm still going to eat pudding and feel sorry for myself.

Update on SSHRC: I applied anyway. I worked too damned hard on that semi-colon not to submit it. But at least I don't have wonder if I'm going to get it.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/537476.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

I need to time posts so there is more space between them

2009-11-19T17:38:13Z

Bad Cripple:

I have no doubt that people have said, either to you or someone you know, something that sounds like they’re just gaming the system, including a breezy “Oh, I’m just gaming the system.” But you have no idea if they’re serious or not, or what their circumstances are, or how much pressure they’re under, internally or externally, to “pass for normal”.

60th Disability Blog Carnival, or what I was doing last night until they kicked me off campus.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/536983.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

I am counting this as a win!

2009-11-19T16:13:26Z

My SSHRC application is due to the department tomorrow. (SSHRC = funding for PhD work at this level. 116 people get a SSHRC grant across Canada. My chances are thus very low. *crosses fingers anyway*)

I think my "give me money" is done. I'm a bit worried about it because you get "two pages, single-spaced, 12 point font, times new roman" to argue in, and I have what looks like a paragraph of space left over at the end. But I don't know what else to put in there without rewriting the whole proposal again. And I also don't want to put in information just for the sake of putting in information. I wonder if not using up all the space will count against me.

Aack, just minutes ago I was all happy, and now I am angsting. Let's start this again:

I think I have a great SSHRC proposal! I even used a semi-colon, and I think I used it correctly. I am awesome! I have letters of reference, and I have my transcripts, and I am partway through filling out the rest of all that paperwork, and I am happy! Happy!

Here is my second paragraph. Sadly, it is not the part with the semi-colon. I am not going to put the whole thing up on the internet, because that would be foolish.

Some historians argue that a disabled identity develops as the result of public policy decisions at the national level which group all people with disabilities into one category, citing the American experience (Longmore & Umansky, 2001). My thesis will challenge that a national policy is necessary, and explore the emergence of a disabled identity in the Maritime provinces at least two decades before a Canada-wide disability policy was passed, namely the Disabled Persons Allowance Act of 1954.

I am awesome, I am smart! I am also hungry. Food time!

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/536709.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

More Anna, Still Elsewhere

2009-11-19T07:31:57Z

I forgot this post was going up. Wheelchair Bound. I feel a bit hinky about this post, because a couple of people I think are awesome have used wheelchair-bound around me in the past week or so, and I'm worried they're going to think the post was directed at or written because of them. But I had agreed to that post about a month ago, and it has nothing to do with them. Just saying, in case you were worried. (I'm not that subtle.)

Anyway, the quote:

I considered making this entire post “People don’t like being told they’re wheelchair bound. Stop doing it. Try ‘wheelchair user’ instead. Thank you.”

I also wrote a post bringing attention to Codeman38's writing about how Disney's rental DVD of Up doesn't have Subtitles, as subtitles are now a special feature. Dear Disney and Pixar: Closed Captioning and Audio Descriptions are not special features. Codeman38 has left some relevant comments in that post, and if I were a better person with more energy I would edit the post accordingly, but instead I'll just tell you they're there.

There is a post going up sometime in the next 12 hours about being a Bad Cripple. I also wrote it some time ago, but it is also timely, as the issue of What Exactly Is Anna's Ability Status Anyway has come up. I admit to being both bothered by this (because, you know, what business is it of yours?) and understanding where the objection comes from (because it bothers me that so many people want to talk to me about wheelchairs, when I am not the wheelchair user in this family).

Ah well. Just don't ask me why I'm up at 3:30 in the morning, and everything should be fine.

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/536575.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .

And then Sleeping Beauty thanked the Prince kindly for his time and went off on her own adventure

2009-11-18T04:17:13Z

I whined that I was feeling sad and tired, so people wrote nice things about me on the internet.

People are nice.

A poem, on a tumblr
A pony, also on a tumblr (I got into twitter because I was procrastinating on my thesis last year. Who wants to bet I've got a tumblr by December 25?)
a list, on a blog
an announcement, also on a blog. I have a few of those, so hopefully I shan't start another.

Meeting tomorrow for Senate Review Committee, Class with Thesis Adviser, a working group that I have already sent my regrets to because I have to finish my SSHRC application which is due on Friday and Home Care may or may not being on Thursday so I need to call and confirm one way or the other (Don's usual home care work has left for a better paying job, and more power to her, but the agency hasn't told us if anyone else is coming out, or when), book appointments for Don with various people, pick up meds (is it pick up meds time again?) and there's something I'm forgetting.

I also think I'm pretty much Glee-discussion-ed out, if I may mangle the English language so. I may have it in me to do another round-up of posts from people with disabilities on FWD/Forward, but I don't think there is anyone left who wants to hear my thoughts on Glee, or my thoughts on their thoughts on Glee. Mostly, I think Emmy & Katie & I will watch Castle. It looks mostly harmless. (Oh, and Xena. Does anyone else think the world is just waiting for a Highlander vid featuring Amanda but using the intro to Xena?)

(Do ignore my whining, btw. I do it mostly because it's about non-consequential things. Real problems are things I don't talk about, ever. It always worries Don when I get quiet, because that means something is actually wrong.)

I'm babbling so I don't have to either go to sleep or finish my reading. *makes self turn off computer*

Originally posted at http://trouble.dreamwidth.org/536073.html. You can comment here or there using OpenID. Comments at Dreamwidth: .